Moving abroad | My fears and how I overcame them

It was a big life decision for me to move abroad. One I thought about for a long time and didn’t take lightly. In my circumstances, I didn’t have to think about a significant other or children, which almost certainly made my move more simple than others. But I still had concerns.

The big things which worried me at the time were money (this is always on everyone’s list), adjusting to a new culture, learning professional differences, and being 4000 miles away from my family. I say at the time, but all of these things do still worry me from time to time when thinking about what I want my next phase in life to look like.

My Fears

I’ll give you a little glimpse into my internal monologue at the time (before I knew what I was getting into!).

But what if I hate it? I only studied abroad for a few months and I was surrounded by Americans. I could absolutely have misinterpreted every social interaction. I did enjoy my time, but 3 months is not the same as 3 years.

And I’ll be working this time. I’ll be a nurse… in another country. How will that work? Will in lose all the skills I have acquired as a labor and delivery nurse? Will I ever be able to return to America as a nurse? I’m going to have to leave labor and delivery nursing to move to the UK. It’s not even a nursing role over there. I don’t have any extensive OR experience, just c-sections. And the OR stereotype is that they are strict and militaristic, right? Is that true?

And the pay difference! How am I going to pay my student loans? Will there be any money left over to travel? Isn’t traveling what I really want to be doing anyhow? I suppose the flights will be cheaper since I’ll already be in Europe and they have loads of budget airlines. I can’t go to Europe long term without any income. That’s just not an option for me. I know there are all those stories of people selling everything and traveling full time, but that comes to an end eventually, right? You have to make money. At least this way I have a reliable source of income, a path to British citizenship, and the ability to travel regularly in the UK and Europe. Is that a win/win situation or is it too good to be true?

And what about my family? I’ll be so far from them. As a kid, I cried two days into summer camp and the camp counsellors always had to call my parents. I remember crying in the shower as a kid thinking one day I’d have to move out of my parents’ house! Is this really what I want? Will I cope? I won’t be able to just pop over for dinner in the evenings. Or go out for lunch after church. I’ll be giving up so much… and I won’t be able to get that time back. I’ll miss important things. Someone might die while I’m abroad. Will I regret this for the rest of my life?

A bit macabre, right?

Doom and gloom and fear of change.

The practical side of it

There were some practical considerations, too. I’d invested a lot into the process: time, money, emotion. If it didn’t work out, I would have felt like I’d wasted quite a lot of personal resource, and feelings of resentment would likely have set in. In the end, though, if I’d decided not to move, it wouldn’t have put me in a tough spot. I would have grown through the process. And… if nothing else, my ability to draw on patience would have strengthened.

There were two main “official” processes that I was going through at the time – acquiring a work visa and signing an employment contract.

Each had their own terms and conditions, but the bits I was thinking of most were the time commitments.

The visa was a 3-year visa. In my mind because the hospital, as my sponsor, paid a fee to the Home Office behind the scenes, I felt obliged to stay for the entire time.

In America, a nursing employment contract usually comes with the caveat of “you must stay with the company for x amount of time”. The contract I was signing was what they call in the UK a permanent contract, which I’ve since learned that in the UK this is more of a commitment of the employer to the employee. There was a section of my employment contract which stated that if I left before 3 years were up I would have to repay a proportionate amount of the support they gave me at the start of my employment.

Your contract should have something in it like this as well. For me, they only paid for my OSCE and £200 to help me relocate. That totaled up to just under £1000 or the equivalent of about $1200 at the time.

The cold hard truth

I decided that if I truly hated it, was miserable, couldn’t cope with being so far away, etc., that I could very easily repay 100% of the $1200 that they gave me and move back home.

If I hadn’t told myself that before moving to the UK, I don’t think I ever would have come.

Fear is so powerful and can hold us back from so much. And for me, it often does.

But the get out clause of always being able to move back home empowered me to take the leap.

And my fears you ask?

Finances

The first year was difficult. I saved up $15000 before moving to help me transition. Moving isn’t cheap under the best of circumstances, moving abroad is even more expensive. But now I rarely worry about money. I budget, sure, and I keep a financial spreadsheet to plan for retirement. It’s not FIRE (financial independence retire early) worthy, but I’ve not found managing my finances as difficult as I feared given the difference in pay.

Culture

I love the British culture. It’s fun, subtle, generally respectful. I admit, a lot of things still go over my head, so it’s possible that I’m living in ignorant bliss, but my culture Bible Watching the English has helped me every step of the way.

Professional differences

I absolutely loved being a “theatre” nurse here. I worked with some of the best surgeons I’ve ever met and the team was lovely, kind, patient, and supportive. I couldn’t have asked for a better introduction to nursing in the UK. I am now a clinical educator and the hospital I work for is funding the start of my master’s degree. I am always encountering something new about the differences in nursing between the US and UK. Even moreso now as a clinical educator because I’m learning more and more about the ward nursing role.

Being away from my family

This is the worst part about living abroad. What else can I say? The fear and pain of being away doesn’t lessen, I think we just learn different ways of living with it. I visit home every year (pandemic allowing), and my parents visit me once a year. I tend to go back to my hometown when I visit so that I can see my friends as well.

When my family comes to see me we often choose a new location to explore. Had I never moved abroad, I don’t think we would have gone on vacation to Iceland, Ireland, France. It just never would have happened.

I hope that once I get indefinite leave, I’ll be able to see my family on a more regular basis. Once a year has gotten us through the last 5 years, but for me (and I think for them) that’s not sustainable. If you have any ideas about Transatlantic living, please pass them along!

Are these your same fears? Is there something else that’s bothering you or keeping you from making the move? I’d be really interested to know – share them with me in the comments below.

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