Every 12-18 months when I feel like life is out of my control, I make time to read one book which really helps to ground me. It’s not a magic book that fixes everything. In fact, it doesn’t even give explicit instructions for fixing anything.
If it’s not a quick fix, why should I be interested?
I fear that may be the mindset of the majority. Too often a broken system is “improved” instead of completely reconfigured. Emotions are stuffed away to fester instead of being held in one’s consciousness and explored without judgment in order to create opportunities for growth. Some of the most necessary changes, in our societies and in ourselves, aren’t quick nor are they easy. If we aren’t careful, the way we’ve always lived becomes the only way we think we can live.
What’s this book then?
The book I keep coming back to time and time again is Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. I am not one to reread books, but I reread this one because I believe one’s mindfulness practice can always be improved. That and I need to be reminded regularly to connect with the present moment and to hold myself, my emotions and my actions in awareness. All too often we float through life without ever being attentive to the direction in which we’re traveling. We fail to recognize that our day-to-day choices have an impact on our future circumstances, even if that choice is to do nothing.
I tend to reach for this book when my anxiety and OCD start pressing in on me. It helps me recognize that controlling a situation isn’t always the way forward (although sticking to a plan is no bad thing). It shifts my mindset, helps me identify my emotions, and allows me to unpack them to see where they come from. After doing that, the emotions have less of a hold on me.
What do you mean identify your emotions? Shouldn’t you know how you feel?
The simple answer is yes… and no. I think emotional development is not something that is given a great deal of attention. Sometimes our investigation stops after an initial identification of the primary emotion (anger, fear, happiness, surprise, sadness, disgust, interest, shame). In nursing school, I was introduced to something called an emotion wheel. It’s a shockingly simple illustration of primary emotions and the more complex emotions that lie beneath them.
With one image, I was able to see that the primary emotions are just the surface. They can be extremely complex and connect to seemingly unrelated emotions. The wheel helped me see those connections that I had not been able to recognize before. Even now, I sometimes struggle to get to the root of what I’m feeling and what might be causing it. But I put in the time to explore the layers of my feelings because without establishing the emotions that are involved, it’s incredibly difficult to determine an appropriate response.
There are many variations of the emotion wheel, but here’s one I drew up as an example.
What exactly is mindfulness?
Mindfulness according to Zinn “has to do with examining who we are, with questioning our view of the world and our place in it, and with cultivating some appreciation for the fullness of each moment we are alive. Most of all it has to do with being in touch.” Mindfulness is a practice that takes a great deal of developing. It involves staying quiet and cultivating self-observation and self-inquiry so that we may be more in tune with our own nature and allow for mindful action. It is something that is intentional and difficult, nonjudgmental and ultimately transformative.
Zinn argues that without being mindful of the present moment we tend to find our life becomes a series of reactions and unconscious behaviors which usually are driven by fear and insecurities. By ignoring the present moment, we “severely limit our perspective on what it means to be a person and how we are connected to each other and to the world around us.”
How is this relevant?
Pandemics
I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. For months my life has been seized by a pandemic. I’ve been bouncing between fear, anxiety, and exhaustion which has made it a struggle to keep my OCD under control. Some days I feel as if I’m in a constant state of crisis.
Protests
More recently the Black Lives Matter movement has exploded across the States, my home. Harrowing images and videos of hate and violence directed at Black Americans have kindled in me feelings of rage, disgust and bitter disappointment. It is unsettling to see how little the US has changed over the last 200 years. As I sit with those feelings and study them without judgment, I find there is more beneath them: shame, guilt, ignorance and complicity through inactivity.
Using mindfulness
The storm of emotions is easy to get caught up in. Social media bombards us with information and all too often we are quick to become angry or defensive because of the words or actions of others. Mindfulness can be a great tool for extracting ourselves from the torrent of emotion, allowing for a little respite. It can also ground us to the present moment, reconnect us with our immediate surroundings and reposition us to have a more insightful, productive look at what is taking place.
Mindfulness case study
It’s always been difficult for me to involve myself in discussions about topics that I don’t completely understand. I find it best to listen and attempt to understand before I offer my views. This still seems like a reasonable approach as long as it doesn’t mean I remain silent when it matters.
When it comes to the pandemic I’m well positioned as a healthcare provider to state my opinion. I have studied microbiology and public health. I’ve worked in healthcare in one form or another for about a decade. The foundation already exists
I feel much less prepared for conversations about systemic racism and how it affects the lives of Black people in America and around the world. Seeing ignorance in myself is something I find extremely uncomfortable. I think the initial reaction I have to it is fear. Fear brought on by my own insecurities and the idea that lack of knowledge proves that I am inadequate.
I believe I do this as a form of saving myself from the shame I associate with ignorance. This is an important piece of information I’ve learned through self-observation. It shows me what is holding me back, but it also allows me to move forward with intentional action. I need to put in the effort to listen and acquire knowledge so I feel capable of fighting for justice.
Real change starts with listening and learning before speaking and teaching.
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Statement vs Action
Many companies right now are making statements about their position regarding George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter movement. A statement, though, is only as good as the action that follows. The importance of Black lives is not a fad that should soon fade into the background. If you’re speaking out now, find a way you can make a tangible difference in your community. Seek out Black businesses and support them. Find resources and educate yourself about your nation’s history and how remnants of racism may still be alive and well in various policies and procedures. Let your Black friends and family know that you are listening and that you stand with them.
The worst distance between 2 people is misunderstanding.
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I want to invite you to join me in actively fighting racism. Today I came across this resource for white people who are looking for guidance: Anti-Racism for Beginners. If you are like me and you are white and wondering what you can do to help, explore this page with me over the coming months. Take a little bit of time every day you feel able and learn. Then turn your new knowledge into action.
Another resource that was shared with me by the church I attended in the States is Be the Bridge. It has relevant information that is from reliable sources. Use it as a way to educate yourself and if you feel it is the place for you, then join.
Going Forward
For some, the ideas of lockdown remaining, lockdown lifting, racism or police brutality can immediately cause intense emotions of a variety of sorts. If that is you, I would like to encourage you to explore those emotions and where they come from. Perhaps even beginning a mindfulness practice of your own can be a good place to start. Check out Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Download a mindfulness or meditation app like Calm or Headspace. Devote a few minutes of every day to being quiet and doing nothing. Allow yourself a break from doing so you can just be.
There is a lot of work to be done and there are many ways to bring about positive change. Not all of us can or should have exactly the same approach. Remember to recognize this and be kind to one another.
Nothing can be changed until it is faced.
James Baldwin
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